Men and women VS A change in plans

I’m convinced that men and women will never agree on how to react to a last minute change in plan.

Now I do understand that it depends a lot on the type of person you are in general and not just on gender! I’m not ashamed to admit, I am quite an impatient person, it’s part of who I am, and I also detest change. I am a creature of habit, I crave security and when I make a plan you can be damn sure I will try my best to stick to it.

Being in a committed relationship with someone I consider to be an amazing man – handsome, loving, honest, kind, caring, funny, attentive – I find it so hard to keep on top of these bad traits of mine. He’s so great sometimes I genuinely feel bad if I get annoyed about what seems like trivial stuff.

We have never had a blazing row, we had calm discussions about three or four times in our relationship to point out what things were annoying us but all easily solved and rarely repeated…. Except this changing plans at the last minute thing. It’s come up now a few times and I feel like I have explained to him why it annoys me but today it’s happened again.

From early on we were so serious and spend almost all our time together, he practically lives here.. But it’s been a joy and everyday he has to leave for work or whatever he’s straight away saying he misses me or can’t wait to see me. But it’s happened once or twice before that his friend will text or call while he’s out and will ask him to do something. Now, being the normal happy girlfriend I am I would never stop him from meeting friends or family or going football or whatever, but if he’s made plans to return home to me or have dinner or whatever we have been texting about all day, it annoys me if he says he wants to actually go see his friend now instead, at an hours notice.

So I guess in my head it all sounds reasonable, you can’t be texting me saying you can’t wait to get home and then say you’re not coming back for a few more hours after all because your friend invited you over. I didn’t call my friends or arrange to do anything because you were coming here after work!? So you decide to change your plans cos it suits you but I’m gonna be left at home having not made any other plans? Is this being selfish or am I just trying to be fair to both. I wouldn’t and have never done this to him.

It makes me feel second best that I’m so easily discarded. I fully take on board we didn’t have much planned and we do spend loads of time together. I would just rather, instead of being dropped like a hot rock when something else comes up, that he thinks about it and maybe reschedules with the friend for the next day or something when he knows he’s free and hasn’t made plans.

So while I’m here getting all worked up and feeling like rubbish, he genuinely doesn’t see any issue I don’t think.. Like in his mind he was just gonna spend a few hours with a friend and then come down later than planned. Not a big deal right…

So are men and women programmed differently, do women take things more personally, or is this my issue completely?? Surely I can’t be alone in hating when people mess up your plans together in favour of seeing someone else?

Help me, please men and women of wordpress, give me your view and your advice.

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2 comments

  1. Hello there! I think people are programmed differently, but that different genders treat the issue you’re talking about in different ways. The great news (at least from an American man…so take this with as many grains of salt as you’d like) is that it’s not just you. From your perspective you’ve been planning something all day, and you might have even had to make sacrifices of your time to do so. From his perspective he’s been texting you all day, and he might even be changing plans because he hasn’t seen that friend in a while. He’s failing to fully take your perspective into account.

    This happens in relationships from short flings to long-lasting marriages. For example, my parents have been married for 37 years, and my mom always changes plans on my dad. However, if he changes plans he gets read the riot act. Despite this double standard they’re still together, and I have no clue how they function.

    One of the solutions you can have for this problem is being social with his friends when possible. So, while he may not always remember that he has plans with you, his friends might be helpful and remind him. Another is that you can do other things with your time, and if he complains about not being able to see you later (because you’re having fun with your friends), gently remind him he blew off the plans to begin with.

    From what I’ve read of your blog so far, it seems like you’ve got a healthy relationship with him. As long as you guys can communicate, you guys can overcome any problems headed your way. Best of luck to you!

    1. Thank you so much for putting my mind at ease! Sometimes I feel like I overthink things but on this issue I know it has to be a valid argument! I just feel like it’s become so routine to spend our time together that he thinks whenever someone does ask him to do something or whatever that he can cancel on me cos he sees me all the time anyway. And that I should be ok with this. I’m struggling a bit but as you say I’m sure we can get through these niggly things over time! He is one of the good ones šŸ™‚ thanks for replying x

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