funny

It’s been so long!!

I haven’t written a post in ages!!

I haven’t been too busy but I haven’t been in the mood to write anything either.. And my wifi is acting up so that’s kind of annoying show trying to be online :/

I’m going to Ireland in two days, well technically one day now cos it’s after twelve.. And I can’t wait! It’s my birthday next week and I just want a nice night out with the nearest and dearest just having plain good old fun! We are even doing karaoke like the good old days when all of my girls were around and we used spend hours getting wasted and singing our hearts out, badly!!

I’m now at the stage of trying to pack, which I hate! I don’t mind shoving the things in a suitcase but I have serious trouble picking which things get shoved.. waaaahhh!! And I’m only bringing a 10kg suitcase which makes this painful because I need clothes for 8 days!!

But I have my birthday outfit ready to pack and that’s the most important part 😀

Free Cervical Screening .. Just costs a little bit of Dignity

So on Tuesday I went for my very first cervical smear test. Yes, it’s been left a little late, but better late than never right?

I joined a surgery a few months ago which is conveniently across the street from my flat, and on the day I joined they do a quick health check. This was not quick! They took medical history, height, weight, and then proceeded to take blood and give me some stick to put up my vagina to do an STD test aswell! I felt like I just had a full service at a garage or something. I called in for my results a couple days later and I was awarded a clean bill of health, phew what a relief!!

So the next thing is I get a letter to say I’m entitled to a free cervical screening at my local GP just make an appointment when I am ready. Spurred on my how great the check up went I’m thinking it’s finally time to do one of these smear tests, I’m too old to let it go any longer. Rang the surgery and booked in for two weeks later.

The day finally arrived on Tuesday and I was nervous! My friend has told me what it was like and how awkward she felt getting it done so I expected the same. I sat in the waiting room, crossing my legs tightly (like that would stop it from happening lol) and waited to be called. My name finally flashes up to go to room 6. I go to room 6 and it’s the same nurse that did my first check up, kinda relieved it’s a familiar face. Then I realise she’s going to be routing around my vajayjay!

So she tells me drop my leggings and knickers to my ankles and sit on the bed. Then she’s trying to cover my private parts with some flimsy blue couch roll as I’m manoeuvring down the bed on my back and bum. So as if this wasn’t cringey enough she the proceeds to invite a medical student in the room and asks me if I mind whether she looks in on the procedure! What kind of bitch says no to that, why deny this poor little student girl a chance to learn about smear tests! So I said of course you can both stare at my vajayjay, please continue!

So I’m lying here and they’re at my feet, blue couch roll tissue over my hips and she’s saying to open my legs more and to relax. This is all starting to become slightly funny and next thing I know I’m giggling my ass off and apologising for finding it so funny! This whole time she’s just saying relax and it will feel strange.. And this woman is at my feet sticking things inside me and routing around for my cervix! It was all ok to be honest until she started scraping… Oh my god it felt like someone was sandpapering my cervix! It’s the strangest feeling like little scratches but little vibrations aswell.. Urghhhh! So I’m still laughing nervously and feeling like I just want it to be over and then she’s like “now, *slides out stick* ,that’s all done! The poor medical student thinks I’m insane at this point just giggling away and saying ooooh that was weird over and over.. I couldn’t help myself!

So I’m pulling back up my knickers and leggings and getting off the couch and I’m thinking to myself, you know that’s really not even too bad. So I’m glad I plucked up the courage to go and do it finally and for anyone else who is too nervous or embarrassed or puts it off, just go do it.. It’s not a big deal, these nurses do these things daily and they won’t remember your vajayjay more than anyone else’s! It can save your life lets be real, so go get your smear and have a giggle it makes it a lot easier!

20140724-131534-47734582.jpg

I’m melting!!!

20140718-154632-56792115.jpg

Oh my lord this heat is killing me!! I’ve just been out to the Westfields shopping centre, praise The Lord for air conditioning!

In this type of hot weather I feel like I want to take up residence in my shower. I leave the house feeling fresh and by the time I get to the next road I feel like I’ve been sitting in a sauna all day wearing a ski suit. Boiling!! I wonder is it because I’m Irish and we are used to such boring mild weather. I don’t think my body and skin are made to cope with 30 degree heat, especially when it’s on a regular day!

Now that being said.. It’s a whole other story if I’m on a lounger with a cocktail, next to a swimming pool, in the Caribbean or something! I think in my little bikini I could cope with that quite well for a couple weeks! I guess I don’t have the confidence to stroll around London wearing next to nothing in daylight hours!

So I’ve just got home. I’ve removed every inch of clammy clothing and am currently setting the shower to cold before I climb in and spend the next hour regulating my body temperature!