relationships

Men and women VS A change in plans

I’m convinced that men and women will never agree on how to react to a last minute change in plan.

Now I do understand that it depends a lot on the type of person you are in general and not just on gender! I’m not ashamed to admit, I am quite an impatient person, it’s part of who I am, and I also detest change. I am a creature of habit, I crave security and when I make a plan you can be damn sure I will try my best to stick to it.

Being in a committed relationship with someone I consider to be an amazing man – handsome, loving, honest, kind, caring, funny, attentive – I find it so hard to keep on top of these bad traits of mine. He’s so great sometimes I genuinely feel bad if I get annoyed about what seems like trivial stuff.

We have never had a blazing row, we had calm discussions about three or four times in our relationship to point out what things were annoying us but all easily solved and rarely repeated…. Except this changing plans at the last minute thing. It’s come up now a few times and I feel like I have explained to him why it annoys me but today it’s happened again.

From early on we were so serious and spend almost all our time together, he practically lives here.. But it’s been a joy and everyday he has to leave for work or whatever he’s straight away saying he misses me or can’t wait to see me. But it’s happened once or twice before that his friend will text or call while he’s out and will ask him to do something. Now, being the normal happy girlfriend I am I would never stop him from meeting friends or family or going football or whatever, but if he’s made plans to return home to me or have dinner or whatever we have been texting about all day, it annoys me if he says he wants to actually go see his friend now instead, at an hours notice.

So I guess in my head it all sounds reasonable, you can’t be texting me saying you can’t wait to get home and then say you’re not coming back for a few more hours after all because your friend invited you over. I didn’t call my friends or arrange to do anything because you were coming here after work!? So you decide to change your plans cos it suits you but I’m gonna be left at home having not made any other plans? Is this being selfish or am I just trying to be fair to both. I wouldn’t and have never done this to him.

It makes me feel second best that I’m so easily discarded. I fully take on board we didn’t have much planned and we do spend loads of time together. I would just rather, instead of being dropped like a hot rock when something else comes up, that he thinks about it and maybe reschedules with the friend for the next day or something when he knows he’s free and hasn’t made plans.

So while I’m here getting all worked up and feeling like rubbish, he genuinely doesn’t see any issue I don’t think.. Like in his mind he was just gonna spend a few hours with a friend and then come down later than planned. Not a big deal right…

So are men and women programmed differently, do women take things more personally, or is this my issue completely?? Surely I can’t be alone in hating when people mess up your plans together in favour of seeing someone else?

Help me, please men and women of wordpress, give me your view and your advice.

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I love his Brown Eyes so much..

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=nTnPF8zizWo

Remember the first day when I saw your face
remember the first day when you smiled at me
you stepped to me and then you said to me
I was the woman you dreamed about
remember the first day when you called my house
remember the first day when you took me out
we had butterflies although we tried to hide it
and we both had a beautiful night

The way we held each others hand
the way we talked the way we laughed
it felt so good to find true love
I knew right then and there you were the one

I know that he loves me cause he told me so
I know that he loves me cause his feelings show
when he stares at me you see he cares for me
you see how he is so deep in love
I know that he loves me cause its obvious
I know that he loves me cause it’s me he trusts
and he’s missing me if he’s not kissing me
and when he looks at me his brown eyes tell his soul

Remember the first day, the first day we kissed
remember the first day we had an argument
we apologized and then we compromised
and we haven’t argued since
remember the first day we stopped playing games
remember the first day you fell in love with me
it felt so good for you to say those words
cause I felt the same way too

The way we held each others hand
the way we talked the way we laughed
it felt so good to fall in love
and I knew right then and there you were the one

I know that he loves me cause he told me so
I know that he loves me cause his feelings show
when he stares at me you see he cares for me
you see how he is so deep in love
I know that he loves me cause its obvious
I know that he loves me cause it’s me he trusts
and he’s missing me if he’s not kissing me
and when he looks at me his brown eyes tell his soul

i’m so happy so happy that you’re in my life
and baby now that you’re a part of me
you showed me
showed me the true meaning of love
and i know he loves me

I know that he loves me cause he told me so
I know that he loves me cause his feelings show
when he stares at me you see he cares for me
you see how he is so deep in love
I know that he loves me cause its obvious
I know that he loves me cause it’s me he trusts
and he’s missing me if he’s not kissing me
and when he looks at me his brown eyes tell his soul

He looks at me and his brown eyes tell his soul

Don’t wanna be without my new tattoo…

Maybe you will recognise the title as a Motley Crüe song, maybe you won’t .. It’s a lyric from New Tattoo.

Coincidentally the first time I heard that song was while in a tattoo parlour on Hollywood Blvd in 2005. Myself and my best friend were on holidays and my mission was to get my first tattoo in memory of my trip to LA. As I was stood there listening to Mötley Crüe I picked my first tattoo which was the word Angel (I figured City of Angels, angel, good memories) and written in that script that you always see on Mexicans and Puerto Rican gangsters in movies…

That whole tattoo experience was awesome and I was hooked. After that I had two more over a few years, a dragon on my thigh and a pink diamond on my wrist.

The latest one, my fourth, was a joint appointment with my boyfriend on his birthday two weeks ago. We decided to both get a crown done because he always calls me princess and he’s the prince I waited for… We weren’t ready to be saying King and Queen just yet, making it sounds all old and boring! But now it’s just hit me that the song New Tattoo means even more now because it’s basically saying that a person means that much to you that you are willing to have a permanent reminder of them on your body, and can’t wait to show the world how you feel.

There’s something that I need to say to you
I know it’s late
But this can’t wait
I just got a new tattoo

One love and a, one woman
You’re my new tattoo
Tonight is the very first night of my life with you Until the day I die
I promise it’s true
Everyone will see my new tattoo

Tonight I saw your face up in the stars Stumbled here to paint you on my arm
There’s something that I need to say to you
So I wrote this song
Cause you belong
Right here on my new tattoo
One love and a, one woman

As I write this he’s sleeping like a baby next to me (but with louder snores) and I can look at him and feel the strongest love and a simple desire to make him happy and make him feel loved and special. Never in a million years would I have imagined getting a tattoo with such a blatant connection to a relationship. The fact is, no matter what happens in life and whether me and Him stay together forever or whether we split up, I would never ever regret the time I spent with him. Therefore I could never regret the tattoo either. He has made me so happy and shown me such love and devotion that I could never ever regret marking that relationship forever. It’s a lovely idea and something so personal I’m actually really happy we did it. I sincerely hope this tattoo is just the first of many we may see each other get over the years because I for one will be ready to have those crowns upgraded to mean King and Queen if we do have our own princes and princesses someday.

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Let’s talk about sex, baby…

Yesterday I got into a twitter debate with a guy about a tweet he wrote..

@cableslams: “Sex is not love, love is not about sex”
Ok, why do you get upset & fall out of love if he/she goes off to have sex with someone else?

I literally was like WTF!? My view was that he was basically saying it’s ok to cheat if you think love and sex are two different things.

Sex and love ARE an act and a feeling, technically two different things but also intertwined hugely. If you love somebody and are in a relationship with them, where you both have agreed to monogamy and commitment, then sex comes with that naturally (and in my experience sex while truly in love is a million times better than casual sex). Within this relationship if one party decides to have sex with someone else it’s a huge breach of trust and shows blatant disrespect for the others parties feelings and commitment.

Now the argument on twitter went on for awhile but we still didn’t see each other’s points. The original poster was trying to say that because sex is just sex and is essentially separate from love then why would it spoil a relationship by cheating to have sex.

My argument is that of course it ruins a relationship because firstly when you love someone and are in love with them you wouldn’t be able to hurt them and you shouldn’t be acting on any feelings for anyone else. If you have feelings or desires for other people then you shouldn’t really be in a committed relationship should you??

It really got my blood boiling because I despise cheaters and I despise people who pretend to be committed but actually couldn’t give a fuck about their boyfriend/girlfriend.

In the end we agreed to disagree because arguing in 140 characters is mighty difficult! But I brought it up with my boyfriend to see his point of view and he was the same as me, couldn’t comprehend how someone thinks sex with someone else shouldn’t ruin a relationship because “sex means nothing”! He said if I ever cheated it would be over because he wouldn’t trust me and everything I’ve promised him and told him would be a lie. This is exactly how I felt aswell, I guess I’m just glad we have the same values and morals when it comes to relationships!

No matter what anyone says the act of sex is a big deal, you can have sex casually and forget about it but you won’t ever forget because someone has penetrated your body and mind, even if you say it meant nothing. It meant something at the time, it meant your feelings for someone were that strong at that particular time that you let them be a part of you even if just for a few minutes. To me that’s a big deal… And certainly not something I could ever overlook if my partner decided to try out someone else other than me!!

What do you think?