Always belieeeveee, you are Gold!!

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It’s been so long!!

I haven’t written a post in ages!!

I haven’t been too busy but I haven’t been in the mood to write anything either.. And my wifi is acting up so that’s kind of annoying show trying to be online :/

I’m going to Ireland in two days, well technically one day now cos it’s after twelve.. And I can’t wait! It’s my birthday next week and I just want a nice night out with the nearest and dearest just having plain good old fun! We are even doing karaoke like the good old days when all of my girls were around and we used spend hours getting wasted and singing our hearts out, badly!!

I’m now at the stage of trying to pack, which I hate! I don’t mind shoving the things in a suitcase but I have serious trouble picking which things get shoved.. waaaahhh!! And I’m only bringing a 10kg suitcase which makes this painful because I need clothes for 8 days!!

But I have my birthday outfit ready to pack and that’s the most important part 😀

Stepping Into The Fire (full ayahuasca documentary)

2012: What's the 'real' truth?

Published on Aug 9, 2012

Stepping Into the Fire is the cinematic release that reaches into the ash of the bare bones of existence and asks the question “is humanity born to die, or is humanity born to live?” The film follows the true story of three successful individuals brought together by an ancestral medicine from South America that has become legendary for its miraculous and profound effects. Ayahuasca — as the Amazonian brew is known — is well known for its mental, physical and energetic healing properties. Stepping Into the Fire closely examines the life-changing effects Ayahuasca can have and illustrates why environment and health are so crucial to human success on a global scale.

Stepping Into the Fire features Roberto Velez, Donna Walsh, Bo and José Pineda Varges (a.k.a Maestro Mancoluto). The story begins with Roberto Velez — a high-level New York Stock Exchange trader — raised since adolescence…

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Nightmares

I woke up when my other half was getting ready for work at 5am and then once he left I drifted off again. In the space of the hour before my alarm went off I managed to have such a horrible dream.

You know when you have a nightmare and it’s absolutely terrifying when it’s happening and the minute you wake, then once you’ve tried to decipher it and remember it all, it’s suddenly sounds kind of ridiculous? It’s so weird and annoying.

In my dream the thought of a man driving a blue 7 seater and rolling over my iPhone was absolutely horrific. I really felt like screaming and crying hysterically. And my other half and his brother and nephew were in my dream and they weren’t doing anything odd but it seemed weird still. It’s just the bad feelings and bad vibes make it feel a lot more scary than what’s happening. I don’t know if any of this is making sense!

Anyway, my main point is, I went to sleep really sad and upset and not really wanting to speak to my other half and this was fully reflected in my unconscious mind while I slept. It shows that my brain was affected by real events and was trying to replay the feeling in my dream. It’s very strange and weird and I definitely don’t feel right today.

After this job I want to go home and shower and get back into bed to try and shake off this weird cloak of sadness and fear. Crazy how small things can have such an impact.

Men and women VS A change in plans

I’m convinced that men and women will never agree on how to react to a last minute change in plan.

Now I do understand that it depends a lot on the type of person you are in general and not just on gender! I’m not ashamed to admit, I am quite an impatient person, it’s part of who I am, and I also detest change. I am a creature of habit, I crave security and when I make a plan you can be damn sure I will try my best to stick to it.

Being in a committed relationship with someone I consider to be an amazing man – handsome, loving, honest, kind, caring, funny, attentive – I find it so hard to keep on top of these bad traits of mine. He’s so great sometimes I genuinely feel bad if I get annoyed about what seems like trivial stuff.

We have never had a blazing row, we had calm discussions about three or four times in our relationship to point out what things were annoying us but all easily solved and rarely repeated…. Except this changing plans at the last minute thing. It’s come up now a few times and I feel like I have explained to him why it annoys me but today it’s happened again.

From early on we were so serious and spend almost all our time together, he practically lives here.. But it’s been a joy and everyday he has to leave for work or whatever he’s straight away saying he misses me or can’t wait to see me. But it’s happened once or twice before that his friend will text or call while he’s out and will ask him to do something. Now, being the normal happy girlfriend I am I would never stop him from meeting friends or family or going football or whatever, but if he’s made plans to return home to me or have dinner or whatever we have been texting about all day, it annoys me if he says he wants to actually go see his friend now instead, at an hours notice.

So I guess in my head it all sounds reasonable, you can’t be texting me saying you can’t wait to get home and then say you’re not coming back for a few more hours after all because your friend invited you over. I didn’t call my friends or arrange to do anything because you were coming here after work!? So you decide to change your plans cos it suits you but I’m gonna be left at home having not made any other plans? Is this being selfish or am I just trying to be fair to both. I wouldn’t and have never done this to him.

It makes me feel second best that I’m so easily discarded. I fully take on board we didn’t have much planned and we do spend loads of time together. I would just rather, instead of being dropped like a hot rock when something else comes up, that he thinks about it and maybe reschedules with the friend for the next day or something when he knows he’s free and hasn’t made plans.

So while I’m here getting all worked up and feeling like rubbish, he genuinely doesn’t see any issue I don’t think.. Like in his mind he was just gonna spend a few hours with a friend and then come down later than planned. Not a big deal right…

So are men and women programmed differently, do women take things more personally, or is this my issue completely?? Surely I can’t be alone in hating when people mess up your plans together in favour of seeing someone else?

Help me, please men and women of wordpress, give me your view and your advice.

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Wandering

I’m sitting in Starbucks having been asked to stay away from my flat for 24 hours due to building and painting going on.

I have a big gearbag with all our valuables in it, which I need to bring to my boyfriends mums house before I meet him at 6.30.

This is annoying.. I feel like I’m just aimlessly waiting on everything and it’s all out of my control! Can I just reiterate how impatient I am and I can’t stand waiting.

It’s so sunny and I’m enjoying my Frappuchino but it’s kinda boring. My boyfriends sister asked me to go to the park with her and her son so I will go meet them shortly, but I have to organise to drop this bag off first. It’s such a pain not having a car!!!! Paying loads is different fares to go different places by public transport is so longgggg 😦

Hopefully by tomorrow my landlord should be done and I might get some normality back at my flat. It’s like I can’t relax at all and I literally hate that feeling of uncertainty and insecurity.

I’m such a creature of habit!

Getting To Know You *sings*

A to Z About Me blog questionnaire

I have seen a few blogs posting these types of get-to-know you posts so I think I might have a go. I’m a bit sick of writing about the same things so this might jog my brain a bit!

Do read, enjoy and comment or re-blog with your answers!

A. Age: 29 and 9 months

B. Bed size: Kingsize double which currently has leopard print sheets, and which I normally share with my beautiful boyfriend 🙂

C. Chore that you hate: anything involving my hands getting dirty, I also gag on the smell of bleach so I hate mopping and cleaning the bathroom

D. Dogs: I absolutely love dogs, I can’t have any where I live now but our family pets are in my mums, two miniature Jack Russell’s called Minnie and Muffin

E. Essential start to your day: A cuddle and kiss from my boyfriend and a cold drink!

F. Favourite color: I tend to wear a lot of black, but I am a girly girl who loves pink too, especially neon!

G. Gold or Silver: GOLD!!! No question here anyone who knows me knows I love all gold everything!!!

H. Height: 5’8″ (that’s such a guess)

I. Instruments you play: At the moment I don’t play any instruments but I am trained in piano up to a grade 6 diploma, unfortunately I gave up in my early teens and I wish I hadn’t

J. Job title: I’m technically unemployed and looking for a full time job (which I am struggling with and it makes my life annoying) but I am a makeup artist who does some freelance work when possible

K. Kids: I actually cannot wait for the day I get to have a child, it’s my purpose in life!!

L. Live: I guess live your life the way that makes you happy, try be positive and be kind and helpful to others, be honest and be grateful for what you have.

M. Mother’s name: Caroline … Sweet Caroline do do do good times never felt so good .. This woman is amazing!

N. Nicknames: I actually have a few! From young I was called fifitrixibell which then had many versions fi, fif, fifi.. All from fam and friends.. and most recently Trixi, from my old work friends. Also I had a nickname of Nons because of some kid that couldn’t say Fiona and called me Nona which for shortened to Nons.

O. Overnight hospital stays: Just one night when I got my tonsils taken out a few years ago.. It was totally not as bad as people tell you lol

P. Pet peeves: I have so many pet peeves I couldn’t even list them, that could be an idea for a post lol.. But I do get extremely annoyed with bad drivers, people who walk slow in front of me, people who are very fussy with where they eat (too dirty, I see a hair,it’s too run down), people who are annoying drunks, people who are late or change plans.. Lol I told you there’s a lot

Q. Quote from a movie: “nobody puts Baby in the corner”

I was raised on dirty dancing and that’s the vital line!

R. Right or left handed: Right handed, I can write mirror writing with my left hand

S. Siblings: I have two younger sisters, one at home in my mums in Ireland and one in Perth, Australia

T. Time you wake up: Varies every day, because I’m unemployed 😦

U. Underwear: I hate thongs so rarely them, I wear boy shorts or French knickers mostly and I love pretty bras and lingerie sets.

V. Vegetable you hate: I’m not a huge fan of vegetables in general, I don’t like turnip, parsnip, swede, carrots or green beans.. I eat a lot of potato, broccoli, cauliflower and mushrooms

W. What makes you run late: I am rarely late in any way shape or form, it would be a train delay or extreme traffic that made me late, I always arrive earlier than needed!

X. X-Rays you’ve had: I’ve had a few, I broke my arm in two places when I was about 14 and I badly sprained my ankle around that time aswell so more x-rays, and also I had braces so had regular mouth x-rays at my orthodontist.

Y. Yummy food that you love: I LOVE FOOD! I adore cheese and eat all sorts of cheese in a meal or as a snack or whatever I can! I love potato in any form, baked, mashed, roasted, chips.. My favourite meal is usually a huge bowl of pasta, creamy and cheesy with chicken and mushroom or something like that. I also adore a rare steak smothered in garlic butter! I love savoury foods more than sweet but for desserts I love cheesecake or profiteroles yummmm now I’m just hungry lol

Z. Zoo: I’ve been to Dublin Zoo and Fota Wildlife Park in Ireland, and also been to Amsterdam zoo twice. Don’t think I’ve been anywhere else. I love feeding time at the zoo or also seeing the monkeys go crazy!